FAILURE

-interview excerpt clipped from Arseloba Magazine.

M. LeChat, apparently you failed at picking who would come out of group and beyond. Can you explain this to us?

That's correct. I am no ocotopus. I can't believe I got beat on my picks by an 8 armed freak that lives in an aquarium. Seriously, who would have thunk it.

Is that your excuse or better, the reason for your failure?

What do I have to say for myself, absolutely nothing. The cup this year had a fair number of surprises and we're edging up to a final that is probably the least enthralling since... I don't know when. I am not that old, even though there are some who may beg to differ.

What was your desire for the final?

I was really hoping for a minnows versus shark final. Now, we have a bloated whale versus whale plankton eating fest. *le sigh*

Can you hear the whale song?
HOoOOOOOoooland.. spAIIIIIIIIIIINN.... ppppsshshhhhhhh
Last bit is blowhole noise, if you don't know what whales sound like, I suggest you go to one of those new age hippie shops and buy a soundtrack.

Do you at least plan to watch the game?

I will take my normal stroll and head to the pub for the action on the weekend. I will just be there for the football though. I don't really care which side ends up with the cup. Sure, it would be nice for Spain to bring it and it will make me stop with all my paella and gazpacho jokes.

So, any regrets M. LeChat?

My only regret is I didn't get to watch enough games with the local crew. Well that and having to endure the incessant babble from the rabble, which more or less subsided once certain squads got knocked out.

So the crowds were mostly rabble?

No, not at all. It was a good crowd for most every game, that I attended. You know this is good for football in general. I would love to see a regular crowd show up in August when the EPL kicks off but that is just mere wishful thinking on my part.

You don't see the crowds being around come start of the European seasons?

Meh, maybe for the first couple, as it will be right after the ManShitty and Inter game on July 31st. It would be nice if the football fever stuck around, but come the middle of November, they'll be gone. You may get one or two, but it would be a pleasure to have a few more.

Mentioning the EPL and European seasons, what is your take on the Arsenal transfers?

I don't discuss those until I see the man kick the ball in red and white.

There have been two confirmed signings, what are your thoughts?

I do not discuss those.
*glaring at the reporter*

Well, um, alright, what are your feelings on the French meltdown?

The FFF meltdown was bound to happen. Domenech should have been fired years ago. Gallas has a short blurb in the Guardian about it. I mean, he's not the say all and be all of French football but he does make the point I've been making for the last few years.

So mentioning the French, how do you think Koscielny will pair with Vermaelen?

*throws litter box at reporter*

~LeChat